It's on my mind

I ride a commuter train to work most days. Monday morning, a man laid down on the track and let the train cut his head off. I wasn't on the train that day, had a dentist appointment so I had to drive. I thank God that I wasn't.

Suicide is the epitome of selfishness. The driver of the train has to live with that image, of seeing him, but not being able to stop. The conductor, who had to go out and see what was hit, has to live with that horror also. The people on the train, who had to sit for almost 2 hours waiting for those in authority to release them, have to live with the noise it made under the train. His girlfriend has to live with the fact that the fight they had during the night probably propelled him to this final act. If you're going to do it, do it in the quiet of your own home. But still it affects all who know you.

There was one day in my life where I thought about it. Things were so stressful in my life, that I thought it was the only way to get relief. But I recognized that it was a spirit attacking me and fought it all day with prayer. Finally it left. Now I think about what a good life I have, and all that I would have missed out on. Not to mention eternity. Where do you go when you kill yourself? Do you get to ask God for forgiveness in his throne room before he decides? Most people think you go straight to hell, which wouldn't really give you any relief from your day to day pain here. But I don't know. I think that God loves us so much, that maybe he would give us another chance.

A friend's brother recently died. He was only supposed to live 4 months, but he lasted 10. I told her it was so he could get right with God. We are a chosen generation, and God promised that we AND our households would be saved. My household is my family. What I see with my eyes and hear with my ears, doesn't always go along with salvation. But I trust God. Period. He made me a promise and I know that it will happen. Maybe on a deathbed, maybe in limbo, but how nice it would be for them if it happened sooner. Then that peace that passes all understanding would fall on them and their worries could go away. Trust. He is faithful.