55 Hmmmm...
OK, so I'm getting old. It has never bothered me, but something about 55 - I'm now eligible for Sr citizen's discounts. I think I've crossed a line into elderly. You know, I don't really mind the thought of death. In fact, after dealing with Grandma, the thought of just checking out is OK. I don't want to live into old age.
So I'll accept the cake and wonderful dinner he (my other half) made me. I'll accept the nice day he gave me, a hot oil massage and other unmentionables. I'll just go on with the nice life I have. A job I love and week-ends I look forward to. I've accepted the fact that nothing will change until my mother is gone. Right now, she is my purpose in life.
I've thought a lot about when she is gone. I know that I have to have another purpose. I'm always thinking about orphans and foster kids, but don't think I have the stamina to take one on. I'll have to see when that phase of my life comes about.
Grandma is always telling me what to do when she dies. "Get this and that" before you call anyone. I told her that what I would do is sit down on the floor by her bed and cry. She asked why and I said " Well aren't you supposed to cry when when your mother dies?" She just laughed and laughed. Like it's so funny that I would grieve when she dies. But I will. So many mixed emotions.
So I go on. No one is promised tomorrow. Maybe I will go before her, but I don't think so.
I love my God, my husband, my children, my grandchildren, my mother, my sister and brother in that order. I can't see anything changing that. We are what we are. I have a blessed life. I hope that all those I love have the same.
Happy Birthday to me. My life on this earth is not an accident.
So I'll accept the cake and wonderful dinner he (my other half) made me. I'll accept the nice day he gave me, a hot oil massage and other unmentionables. I'll just go on with the nice life I have. A job I love and week-ends I look forward to. I've accepted the fact that nothing will change until my mother is gone. Right now, she is my purpose in life.
I've thought a lot about when she is gone. I know that I have to have another purpose. I'm always thinking about orphans and foster kids, but don't think I have the stamina to take one on. I'll have to see when that phase of my life comes about.
Grandma is always telling me what to do when she dies. "Get this and that" before you call anyone. I told her that what I would do is sit down on the floor by her bed and cry. She asked why and I said " Well aren't you supposed to cry when when your mother dies?" She just laughed and laughed. Like it's so funny that I would grieve when she dies. But I will. So many mixed emotions.
So I go on. No one is promised tomorrow. Maybe I will go before her, but I don't think so.
I love my God, my husband, my children, my grandchildren, my mother, my sister and brother in that order. I can't see anything changing that. We are what we are. I have a blessed life. I hope that all those I love have the same.
Happy Birthday to me. My life on this earth is not an accident.
posted by grandmasue | 5:10 PM
2 Comments:
Happy Birthday Love
Happy Belated Birthday Mom!! I am sorry I missed it! I am truly touched by this post. I was just thinking about the hole that will be left in my life, and my heart when I no longer have my parents to call upon and I thought how I need to tell them NOW in this stage of my life how much they have contributed to my life.
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